


The Ring Series # 5  First Anniversary

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-21
Updated: 2006-03-21
Packaged: 2019-02-02 14:32:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12728421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel surprises Jack with a gift for their first anniversary.  Jack makes a promise that in time will prove difficult to keep.





	The Ring Series # 5  First Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

DANIEL

I woke up and looked at the clock. 11 AM. Wow, Jack and I were turning into slugs on our vacation. Neither of us had complained yet, and I didn't think we would. Not likely. I reached for my glasses and stuck them on my face.

I turned over in our bed really slowly so I could look at him, trying not to disturb him. I propped myself up on one elbow to watch him sleep. He was naked, lying on his belly. His head was turned toward me, partially shoved under his pillow, his left fist balled up under his chin. I could see his eagle ring on his hand. He wore it always, even to bed. 

The sheets and blankets had fallen down around his shoulder blades. He was snoring softly. In sleep, his face lost the hard lines it had sometimes during the day. His tanned skin was smooth and relaxed, his lower face covered with fine dark stubble. Even with bed head, his full mop of gray and silver hair shined with good health.

'You are so beautiful to me, Jack,' I thought. 'You're always calling me beautiful, and I usually use the word handsome for you, but look at you now.' Tough, rough, wiseass and dense acting to most of the world. Giving, considerate, funny, smart and sometimes demanding with me.

There had been a time, two or three years before, when we'd barely been able to exchange three words without sarcastic, cutting comments flying like knives at each other. Plant Boy, Son of a Bitch...we'd decided later that we'd been like that because we'd subconsciously known the truth about us even then. And we'd been living big time in the Land of Denial, and I don't mean that place in Egypt. I'd been to that Nile, and it was a lot more pleasant than that awful place Jack and I had been living in. 

I reached out and ran one fingertip over the scar on his left eyebrow. I had kissed it hundreds of times. This touching was enough for now. Jack smiled a little in his sleep. "Mmmm..." he hummed way down in his throat. Then the snoring started again. 

As quietly as I could, I rolled off the bed and grabbed my sweats and socks off the floor where I'd tossed them during our much earlier 3AM encounter. I headed for the shower, my thoughts never far from "us." Jack and I. We'd been on vacation for several days, giving us a 24/7 time together we hadn't had for ages.

My birthday had been the day before. It had been a day of wonderful experiences, all orchestrated by Jack, just for me. The day had been filled with gifts, as well as lots of time with Jack and our friends. 

As if the helicopter ride and being given my very own twenty acres up in the foothills hadn't been enough, he'd given me an eagle ring that matched his. We'd recommitted ourselves to one another, sitting there on my new land. Our new land. I had every intention of building a home for us there one day. 

On our return to Jack's house, our home, he'd surprised me with a birthday party, having invited most of the people we knew. We'd had barbeque, cake and ice cream, and I had gotten still more gifts.

Cassie had been the one to first notice our matching rings, and she'd made a big fuss until everyone had gathered around and oohed and aahed. Well, the ladies did anyway. Teal'c restrained himself, as did the other guys. At one point, I had caught Teal'c's eyes over Janet's head as she held my hand and admired my new ring, and he and I had exchanged smiles. I'd been glad all over again that our closest friends knew about Jack and I. Those people were the only family we had.

Jack and I had been sunburned, exhausted, and happy. I for one had never had a birthday like it, and doubted I ever would again. We'd been so tired when we collapsed into bed that night, we'd been almost immediately unconscious.

In the wee hours of the morning, Jack had awakened me with an insistent hunger. Since his collapse a few days before, diagnosed as stress, something had changed in Jack. He wouldn't talk about it, any of it, but the 3AM fucks had continued, night after night. I felt like I could have set the clock by him. 

He loved me, always. I never doubted that. But there was something about those hot, insistent encounters, always in the dark, that made me wonder if he were afraid he would lose me, like we'd never be able to make love again. His touch had an urgency about it that I had never seen in him before. In the morning light, he was the same easygoing, joking, slightly profane Jack I loved. But in the 3AM darkness every night, I knew him on some primal level that we had never shared before. 

His hands and mouth had seemed to be everywhere on me at once. He'd been pulling and tugging at my clothes, already naked himself. "Jack... gimme a minute," I'd told him softly, trying to help him get my sweats and tee shirt off me. He'd just grunted, pushing me back into the mattress, lying between my open legs. He'd locked his mouth onto mine and ground his hips into me. I'd hung on for dear life, trying to give back everything he needed, lost in my own need, as well as the total depth of his. 

After we'd come almost at the same time, our cocks pressed between our bellies, we'd lain like that for a while, kissing, and enjoying the warmth for a few minutes, not a word exchanged between us. Jack had rolled off me and we'd cleaned up a little, and then he'd been back asleep in moments. I'd laid there, my hands behind my head, staring at the dark ceiling. I knew that the "other" Jack would be back in the morning. With the light of day, his fear and urgency would retreat. 

As I'd watched him sleep, my heart had been full with the love and concern I felt for him. Both of us had picked complicated people to fall in love with, and our situation was further complicated by Jack's military rank and position. General O'Neill had pressures on him that I was only partially aware of. I would help him however I could. If being with me in the dark in the way we had just shared was what would help, then that was what I would give him.

Finally, with a last look at Jack's sleeping face, I had rolled over, pulled the blankets up around us, and curled up next to him to go to sleep again. I'd known nothing more until I had awakened at 11 AM.

JACK

"Daniel?" I said as I woke up. I'd been sleeping on my stomach and drooling. Disgusting. I wiped at my mouth and pushed myself up on my elbows. No Daniel. What the hell time was it? I squinted at the clock. Ye gods, almost 1200. I collapsed back onto my face with a sigh. 

Coffee. I could smell it. I still didn't know where Daniel was, but now I knew where he'd been. I rolled over on my back with a big yawn that I didn't even try to stifle. I cleared my throat and yelled for him, "DANIEL!" I waited a moment for him to answer, and when he didn't, I yelled for him again, a little louder. "DANN- YELLL!"

"Keep your shirt on. I'm coming." I heard his voice from the hall where he was heading in to see what I wanted. He came in and sat on the bed next to me.

"What are you hollering about in here?" he asked me. His forehead was a little crinkled up, and he was batting his wonderful eyelashes at me. I grinned at him.

"I wanted to see you. I woke up and you weren't here," I complained in my best little whiney voice.

He grabbed onto one of my arms and shook it gently. "Get up, Jack. You gonna sleep all day? I never thought I'd see you out sleep me!"

"Jeez, Daniel, I'm all worn out. You know, when you wake people up in the middle of the night and paw them all over and keep them from getting any sleep, you gotta figure they'll want to sleep in a little."

Okay, that did it. Daniel stood up and yanked the covers off me. He stood next to the bed, hands on his hips, giving me his best glare. I could see the twinkle in his eyes. "Who exactly pawed whom??" he demanded. He was trying hard not to smile.

"You!" I told him, laying back on my pillow and looking at him smugly. "You pawed me, and you know it." 

Daniel crawled over on his hands and knees, got on top of me, and kissed me to remind me just who had pawed whom. He reminded me two or three times. Then he rolled onto his side and looked at me. "Yeah, yeah, if you say so! So are ya getting up or what?"

My gaze went down to my rapidly rising cock. We both looked at it, and then at each other. Both of us burst out laughing. 

"You are impossible, Jack," he told me. I just grinned at him. I wasn't going to deny it.

"Danny?" I said in a little pleading voice that didn't quite match the leer I was giving him. He leaned over me, and with his skillful mouth and hands, he took care of how I'd already gotten up. 

DANIEL

I'd caught up with my email while Jack was in the shower. I'd gone through his snail mail, thrown away all the junk mail, and caught the mailman at the door just as he was about to fill the box again. 

Jack and I met up just inside his front door.

"I did every kind of mail while you were getting ready," I told Jack. He'd been stuffing his keys and wallet and cell phone into his pockets, looking around for his shoes where he'd left them by the door the night before. As he bent over to tie them, I heard his muffled voice.

"You what?"

"Never mind. Jeez, are you almost ready or what?" I asked him. 

I was leaning my back against the door, arms folded over my chest, watching him. It was hot out. We had on our shorts and tee shirts. 

Jack straightened up and looked at me, pulling his sunglasses on their cord over his head. I looked him over in his clingy black shirt, worn tucked into jean shorts. I could see the definition of his shoulder and chest muscles. The chain of his dog tags was visible where it lay under his shirt. He'd rolled up his sleeves a little, showing off his biceps. I took the two steps over to him, put my hands on his upper arms, and ran my fingers up under his sleeves.

He put his hands on my elbows and pushed at me a little, and made like he wanted to get at the door. "Daniel, why are you so slow? I've been waiting for ya. Let's go already." 

He'd been waiting for me? Yeah sure. I shook my head at him. "Nope, not yet." I held him by his shoulders and lifted my mouth to kiss him, and then looked into his eyes. "I love you," I told him quietly.

"Well, thank God for big favors," he told me, smiling. "Back at ya. But I'm starving, can we leave or what?"

I let go of him, went to the door, held it open for him, and gestured with a sweeping arm at the outdoors. "After you, m'lord. The Lord of the Manor may precede the Landed Gentry."

"God, Danny, you are full of shit this morning... or afternoon, or whatever it is!" 

He gave me a playful swat with the back of his hand on his way by me. I was starving, too. Something to do with it being 1:30 in the afternoon. More than a little late for breakfast, and now it was late for lunch too. I made sure the door was set to lock and closed it behind me. 

JACK

At Terraces, our favorite lunch place, we were glad to get out of the blast furnace heat and into the dim, cool interior. As we came in, the owner, Derek, looked up from where he was talking to a customer, and waved at us.

"Hi, Daniel! Hi, Jack! Sit wherever you want," he called out to us. 

We waved back, and went and sat down in our usual place, by a window, in the back. The walls were stucco, painted white, with walnut wainscoting along the bottom. Dark green tablecloths set off the tables, each of which had a small vase of fresh flowers. Every window had flowered curtains and a hanging plant. There were potted ferns and ficus trees strategically placed around the dining room. It was a pleasant, welcoming place where the staff always remembered us and fed us really well. Daniel and I had been there many times. It was a little late for lunch on a weekday, and there were only 5 or 6 other customers there at the time.

One of our favorite waitresses, whose name was Liz, came over to wait on us. She was an absolute child to me, early twenties, pretty with black hair curling around her face and blue eyes like Daniel's. She thought Daniel was a babe, I could always tell, although Daniel seemed oblivious to her interest. She always spoke to me indulgently, like one being respectful of their elders. When I thought about that, it always made me sigh. So I tried not to think about it much.

"Hey, guys! Haven't seen you in a while. You on vacation? We don't usually see you during the week like this!" She had brought us our usuals, a Coors Light Draft for me, and Daniel got his Heineken. Both of us reached for our beers and took a long drink before answering her.

"Ah... that hits the spot, Liz," I told her. "Yeah, we're on vacation. What's new with you?"

"Are you kidding?" She rolled her eyes. "Same old/same old, you know. 

"So! You both having the usual, or what?" She looked at Daniel, then at me, waiting for our reply. Suddenly she was looking at our hands, resting on the table in front of her. 

"Hey!" She took the index finger of each hand and pointed to our rings, one finger on Daniel's left hand, and one on mine. "Look at that! Are these new rings? Are congratulations in order?"

Daniel's face was a picture. He was forgetting to close his mouth. He looked at me as if to say, 'I'm not touching that one with a ten- foot pole, Mr. Military Man General Flyboy. You answer, or it goes unanswered'. So I answered her.

"Daniel's ring is new. I got mine back at Christmas. And yeah, you can congratulate us." Daniel was bright pink, looking at her out from under his eyelashes. Suddenly very shy. I smiled at him, then at her. 

"Well, that's great, you two. Hey, I wish you the best. So! The usual or what?" Back to business.

I laughed. Daniel was still speechless, so I nodded at her. She turned around and left us, all efficiency. She had rocked Daniel's world, and didn't even know it.

DANIEL

Okay, that's what I'd wanted, right? I'd wanted everyone to know about us. I'd been so pressed flat under the thumb of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" rule for a year, that I didn't even know how to act when relative strangers found out about Jack and I. I felt dumb. I felt like I'd let Jack down. I sneaked a look at him. He didn't look let down. He looked smug.

"I told you, Daniel. I want people to see these rings, add one and one, and make one. Liz just did that. This is exactly what I wanted. And it's what you're always saying you want. What's the matter?" He cocked his head and smiled at me gently, amused that I had been so rattled.

"I'm sorry," I told him. "She surprised me is all." I took another long drink of my beer. "I'll get used to it, I'm sure, because it definitely is what I want. Definitely." I lowered my voice and leaned across the table to hiss at him, "But what happened to 'not in the Springs, Danny'?"

Jack reached out and squeezed my hand just for a second.

In a low voice he told me, "What's the matter, did I scare you? Don't be nervous. It's no one's business but ours. No one on base, no one in authority over me, is allowed to ask. And I'm not permitted to tell them, but I can tell anyone else I damn well please. Last I looked, that was one of the guarantees in the goddamn Bill of Rights. And if they throw me out on my ass because of you, well, I can think of lots worse reasons. You're worth anything. I've told you, and told you, and told you that. Anything. Now shut up and drink your beer. Let's have a good time." He smiled at me.

I shut up and drank my beer. We had a good time. Lunch was great. I had a mountainous chicken club sandwich and about a quart of French fries, which I shared with Jack. He had fried chicken and mashed potatoes and carrots, and he fed me some of that. We kept the talk light and mostly concentrated on stuffing our faces. We were starved, so the food was a hit.

For dessert we shared a hot fudge sundae. I ended up with some whipped cream on my face, and Jack reached over indulgently and used a finger to wipe it off me. He gave me a big wink. Sexy, sexy man... and all mine.

Finally we had eaten every scrap of food the place had to offer, so we left Liz a big tip, and got up to pay the check and leave. 

"You pay, Jack. I paid last time," I told him up at the front. 

"Did not," he said. "I paid last time. It's your turn."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Not."

"Too."

Derek was standing there, moving his head back and forth, and listening to us. He looked like a spectator at a tennis match. Finally he threw up his hands. "Ah! Ah! Never mind! It's on the house! Congratulations, you two. See ya next time!" He waved us away with a smile and started to go back to his work.

News had obviously traveled fast. Jack and I laughed, at him and at each other. We called out our thanks to him, and left. 

JACK

"Daniel, wanna go for a walk over in the park? It's really hot, but over there under the trees it might be nice." We were standing by the truck. It was a blisteringly hot July day.

"Yeah, that'd be okay, I guess. Actually, Jack, I need to talk to you about something. Why don't we just walk to the park and leave the truck here? It's only a couple of blocks."

We walked as quickly as we could in the heat and humidity. My shirt was sticking to me by the time we reached the shade of the park. The grass had been mown under the trees. There were footpaths here and there, leading around a small duck pond. Nearby were some swings and a sand box, where little kids were playing. Daniel and I were mostly strolling, enjoying the summer day. It was too damned hot to try to walk for exercise.

"I could get used to this vacation thing. It makes me think about retiring again," I told him.

He swung his head around and gave me a look.

I reached over to touch Daniel's elbow. "Just kidding."

"How's it been going, Jack? I mean, seriously?" Daniel asked me.

"I know. We don't talk about it much, do we? I..." I stopped walking and put my hand on Daniel's arm. "It's funny you ask me that today. I sorta wanted to bring it up, but I didn't know how." 

Daniel cocked his head at me and gave me a curious look. He raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I just am really, I don't know, aware, I guess, of what you've given up so that I can do this job I have. You know me; I sorta get off on the command thing." 

I saw Daniel's quick, amused look. He crossed his arms in front of himself and gave me a 'get real, Jack' look. "Okay, so I really get off on the command thing," I told him. He laughed in agreement.

"But Danny, when I see those stars on my uniform, I cannot believe that it's me in the mirror. I never in God's green earth thought I'd make that rank, even though I always dreamed of it. And for the SGC to be mine to command? Huh." I shook my head, and then urged him to continue walking alongside me. 

"So? Are you glad you did it?" Daniel asked me. He really wanted to know, I could tell. "Are you glad I said your deciding to stay in and be promoted was okay with me? See, I know you gave up something too. If you had retired, if we had both left the SGC, we could have had such a different life. We could have told everyone about us. We could have traveled. I could have taken part in digs all over the world. I could have taught or written a book or something. You could have fished!"

"Yeah, Danny, I know. But I'm okay with it. Jeez, I'm not that old. Can you picture me fishing the rest of my life? Or following you around and staying in a hotel in Cairo, waiting for you to come home at night, or on weekends? I'd go fucking insane." 

"That's one of the reasons I thought it best to do what we did," Daniel told me. "It's way hard, though, huh? Jack, I need to talk to you about something. I've been tiptoeing around, too. God, are we both pathetic or what? Hey." He stopped walking, and pulled me around to face him.

"Maybe we don't talk about things like we should. But we're both pretty strong people, Jack." 

"I know, Daniel. You are one tough bastard. I know that better than anyone probably." He lowered his voice. "Just what we do in bed, all by itself, is enough to kill off most grown men." That made him smile and duck his head in that shy way he had that no one but me ever saw. "Hey. What did you want to ask me?"

DANIEL

"Here, come sit down with me." I drew Jack over to a bench under a tree. It was such a sultry day; the only sounds besides the muffled traffic from the street and the kids playing over on the swings were the drone of some kind of insect and an occasional birdcall. No one else was around us, and I felt we had some privacy to have a heart to heart.

"Ah," he said as he sat down. "That feels better on the old knees." He gazed at me expectantly.

"Well, Jack, do you want the good news first or the bad news?" 

Jack looked at me, suddenly serious. The frown line on his forehead deepened. "Bad news?"

"Okay, wrong words. See? I suck at this. We both do. God. Sorry. Do you want the good news first or the... um... hard news?"

"I dunno, how about the good news?" He didn't look too sure.

"Okay. Our first anniversary is the day after tomorrow. Had you thought about how we might celebrate?"

Jack shrugged and grinned at me. "You know, to be honest, I was so busy organizing all of that stuff for your birthday yesterday, I didn't make any big plans. Why, you got any ideas?"

I snorted at him with a smile. "Not only do I have ideas, I have plans. I can't believe I was able to keep this a secret from you. You kept all those birthday secrets really well. Everything that happened yesterday was a surprise to me, and now I get to surprise you! I definitely made some plans for us."

Jack scooted over a little closer to me. "Oh, goodie." He rubbed his hands together. "C'mon, Daniel. Give. I can't stand it. What?" He snickered and looked at me, waiting. Sometimes Jack was worse than a kid. We grinned at each other.

"Well. I got us plane tickets to fly from Denver to Seattle for the weekend. We leave tomorrow afternoon, and come home Sunday morning." I watched Jack sit back, his mouth hanging open a little, and then his smile widened. "We've got reservations for three nights in the Edgewater Hotel," I continued. "In a suite on the top floor. The hotel is built right on one of the piers, right on the water. And it's close to the Space Needle and all kinds of stuff in town, if we want to get dressed and go out. 

"I wanted to get us away from here, where we can be... I don't know, just us. No SGC, no regulations. We can't do that here, Jack. And I need this so bad." I stopped and bit my lip and looked at him, seeking his approval. 

JACK

"Aah, Danny... that sounds wonderful. You arranged all of that for us? How'd you know about the Edgewater Hotel? Have you been there before?"

He started to laugh. "Um... would you believe Wheel of Fortune on TV? Vanna White was showing it one night as one of their big gifts. I took one look, and told myself 'that's a place I'd like to go to with Jack.' And the rest, as we archaeologists say, is history. I called them and made the reservations like three months ago."

It was my turn to laugh then. "I love you," I told him softly. "I can't wait. You are a wonder." I shook my head and smiled at him. "Vanna White, huh?" I leered at him a little, making him smile too.

I got serious again, though, remembering that this was only the first part of what he wanted to tell me. "And how about the hard thing?"

Daniel sighed and gave me one of those you're-going-to-hate-this-so- much looks.

"Um... well... I can't find a good time to bring this up, so here goes. You remember what Janet and Doctor Griffin said, back in the hospital last week, after you collapsed? That it was stress?"

I nodded at him. He was right; I so didn't want to talk about this. I'd been feeling great and had convinced myself that my collapse the week before was just a one time freaky thing. I didn't answer him at first. Of course I remembered. How could I ever forget?

"Yeah?" I took my sunglasses off and let them dangle on their string around my neck. I rubbed the bridge of my nose, suddenly not wanting to meet Daniel's eyes. I could see where this was going.

"Well, I want you to go. To counseling, I mean. I'll go with if you need me to. Or if I should. Or if I can help. I do not want you to go through what you went through last week again."

"Daniel, it won't happen again. I know it won't."

He looked at me and put his hand on my arm. "Look at me, Jack."

I couldn't. Didn't want to. I felt like being stubborn, and didn't seem to be able to help it.

He pulled at my arm a little, as if to reinforce his words. He spoke to me in a quiet voice. "Jack...It's not just you. It's me, too. I don't want to go through what I went through last week either. You scared the shit out of me. I'm not telling you that to make you feel guilty. I know it's nothing you did on purpose. But if there's something you can do to help, to insure that you'll be okay, and that I'll be okay, I want you to do it. Jack... c'mon, look at me."

I dragged my eyes up to his. His blue eyes had little tears standing in them.

"Ah, Jesus, Danny... don't do that. Don't give me the eyes. How in hell can I say no to you when you're looking at me like that? And I want to say no so bad!"

"I know you do. Please don't. Please say you'll make the call when we go back to work next week and get this started. I know it's going to hurt. You and I, we've both got some fucked up nasty stuff in our history that maybe would be better if it got aired out a little. I don't know. But I worry about you. And I want you to be happy. I mean, really happy, way down deep inside, in the place you won't let me into."

I couldn't look into those blue eyes anymore. Daniel loved me so much. He thought he was asking such a simple thing from me. And to me, it sounded like he might as well want me to sprout wings and fly or something. I sighed.

He pushed on, unwilling to let the thing rest. His voice was very low and wistful. "Don't you think I know, when you wake me up in the middle of the night and want to make love, how desperate you are? How you hurt inside? How you doubt yourself? How scared you are? I'm scared, too, sometimes." His voice broke a little. He leaned forward, trying to see into my face. "God, Jack, please take care of the man I love. I can't do it for you. Please."

My Danny and his words. He said he sucked at this, but as far as I could see, he was a damned Rhodes scholar in the English department. I sighed again. 

DANIEL

I knew I was really pulling out all the stops, trying to reach Jack in that place he'd been hiding in. I just had to let him know that this was important to me, and that he was worth all the work and pain, whatever we'd have to go through to get him to a healthier place. 

"Jack, I don't know much about psychology, at least modern psychology. But I do know that you and I are way too close to talk to each other about some of the junk we need to deal with from our backgrounds. 

"All of that crap from my childhood, and Nick and the foster homes. Going to college when I was still just a kid. All the professional problems I had before I joined our program. Sha'uri and her dying. And you with Charlie and Sara. All those missions in Iraq. All those fucked up trips through the gate. And then there's us, having to keep us a secret. And now all the changes with you being in charge at the SGC, and me having things so different now, not being a part of SG-1 anymore. 

"God, we've both had a lot to deal with, and I think it's been way harder for you than it has been for me, and that's saying something. But I know what you're made of, Jack O'Neill, and you're a pretty tough bastard too. What do you think?" I reached out and jostled his arm a little.

It was almost like Jack had been waiting for me to ask. "What do I think? I think the whole thing sucks, that's what I think. I hate talking about my... feelings... God, I even hate saying the word."

I knew he meant it. Jack's tone was harsh and bitter, his words biting. He still couldn't look me in the eye. He had his forearms down on his knees, his hands clenched. His lips were pursed, and he was slowly shaking his head from side to side. He was starting to get upset, and not wanting me to see it. 

"And the past is just a bunch of shit that I'd rather forget," he told me. "Well, not Sara and Charlie, I have lots of good memories from them, and all in all, I'm glad I had my marriage and my son. I still miss him every day. But what the hell is there to say after I've said that, Daniel? I'll still miss him next week, next month, next year. How do I get over that?"

I bit my lower lip, searching for the right words for a second. "I wish I knew, but I hope we can find out. Don't get upset." I patted him on the arm. "I didn't want to make you mad or... um... sad. Jack, we can talk about this again next week. I just wanted you to know I think it's important, okay? I think it'll be possible for you to do this and live through it. You know, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That's why you and I are such strong people; we've been through a lot of weird shit. 

"Just promise me you'll think about it. Promise me you'll try to take care of yourself. I love you so much. I just want the best for you, and for me, too." 

Jack heaved a big sigh. "Okay, Danny, I'll try. I'll try to promise, is that enough? God..." He rubbed his forehead.

"I know, it's stressing you out just talking about being stressed out, isn't it?

Jack nodded. "Yes. No. I don't know." He glanced over at me. "I love you. I do know that. And I want you to be happy, too. We can't have me fainting dead away every other day. Maybe I have no choice. I will think about it. I won't want to bring this up next week, though. So will you, please? Make me face it again. You know me, I'll be pretending everything's okay."

"Sure, Jack, I'll bring it up. You don't need to pretend with me. Just let me be on your team, like in the SG-1 days. Let me pull the weight with you, if I can. Will you trust me?"

Jack turned his head to look me full in the face, at last. "Trust you? I trust you with everything in my life. I don't want to hide stuff from you, but sometimes I'm so scared that you'll start to see the real me, and you'll have to take off. What in hell would I do without you?" His voice dropped, so low I could barely hear him. "It's so hard, needing you so bad, being so scared of losing you like I've lost everyone else I ever cared about. You said you'd never leave, just like what I promised you. So why am I so scared, Danny? How come?" He hung his head and looked at his hands again.

I sidled over on the bench and put my arm around his waist. I bent my head towards him so that our temples were almost touching. I didn't give a shit if the NID itself was watching us. Jack needed me, and he was all I could think about. He didn't make any move to get away from me, either.

"Ssshhh, Jack, don't do this," I murmured to him. "I'm not going anywhere without you. Ever. Everything's gonna be all right. We'll go away tomorrow, have a great time, and remember this past year. We'll make plans for next year. For that house you and I want to build someday on that brand new piece of land someone special just gave me. We have a future, babe. You and me. Together. Please just believe it. Okay? Jack?"

He nodded again. Heaved a big sigh. He gave me a rueful smile, and finally moved away to put a few inches between us. I let my arm drop back into my own lap. "Let's go home, Daniel. It's too damn hot out here. You were right; you had some good news and some hard news. I liked the good news anyway." 

His eyes slid away from me, unfocused on the park around us. He wanted to go home, but obviously was not done talking. Thank God. "Daniel, I don't like to talk about my feelings. No secret there. But I'm learning how to tell you about how I feel about you, anyway.

"I never could do even that with Sara. At the end there, the poor woman probably thought I hated her. When we lost Charlie, and then when Sara and I knew we were splitting up, I vowed that if God ever gave me anyone else who gave a shit about me, someone I could love back, I wouldn't do that again. I wouldn't let whoever it was die on the vine of loneliness, wondering what kind of a son of a bitch they'd let themselves get involved with." He looked back at me. "That's why I tell you I love you all friggin' day long.

"When we both fell in love with... another guy..." He looked at me apologetically, with a little half smile and a small shrug, like I didn't know we were both guys. I ducked my head and then looked up to catch his eye. 

"Lotsa trouble, huh, Jack?"

"Yeah, but... I never knew how different it would be. You understand me better than any woman I have ever been with. Is it because we both have the same testosterone brains or something? And no PMS? What the hell is it?"

"See, Jack?" I told him. "You can talk about feelings. And other stuff. You're doing it right now!" It was good to see him smile.

"I think it's just love," I told Jack. "You can't put it into words. I guess somehow you've always been a part of me. Even before I met you, I think there was a Jack-sized hole in my heart, waiting to be filled. It's a miracle that we found each other. I really believe that."

Jack took my elbow, and we stood up to start walking back to the truck. "Me too," he told me. "That meaning of life stuff, huh, Daniel?"

"Yup," I agreed with him. "Yup."

JACK

Perched directly on a pier jutting out into Elliott Bay in Seattle, the Edgewater Hotel was like a seemingly floating oasis of luxury. Our suite, located on the top floor, eight stories above sea level, had a dramatic, private balcony with comfy chairs and tables, potted plants and flowers, and a view that was breathtaking. French doors led to it from both our bedroom and the living room.

The suite was luxurious and not at all feminine. It was furnished in solid oak, with plush cushions everywhere of Native American and frontier designs, in deep reds, dark greens, and gold. A fireplace in the corner of the living room, lit with a flowing gas flame, lent a comfortable ambience to the room. A glimpse into the bedroom showed a huge king-sized four-poster oak bed covered with a colorful quilt. The place was perfect.

As Daniel stayed by the door to tip the porter and get our luggage squared away, I went to the balcony doors and walked outside. I leaned on the railing and took in the view. We had an unobstructed view of Puget Sound and Bainbridge Island. It was late afternoon, and the sun was getting lower, bathing everything in a golden glow. The water was the color of Danny's eyes. The island in the distance was green and black and jutted up in little hills. 

As I watched, I saw one of the huge car ferries plowing its way back to town, probably arriving from British Columbia or one of the many ports on the tip of Washington State. 

The air was exquisite, scented with the sea. I inhaled the saltiness of it, enjoying its crisp, clean scent in my nose and deep into my lungs.

Daniel came up behind me. He put his arm around my waist, and I felt his chin come down on my shoulder. We stood in silence for a couple of minutes, just looking and enjoying the view. Finally I straightened up and leaned back into his chest. His arms came around me and squeezed me gently. 

"I love you," he murmured into my ear. His words sent a shiver down my spine. The tremor had been so intense, I wondered if Daniel had been able to feel it. He kissed my neck and pushed his hand under the waistband of my pants, rubbing my belly just below my navel. 

"Oh, Danny, thanks for this. Thanks for you. I love you too, big guy." I pressed my temple against his and gave him a nudge with my head. He urged me to turn around in his arms, which I did gladly. We put our foreheads together. 

He moved his head back to look at me. "Kiss me, Jack, right out here under the sky. Kiss me like you don't kiss anybody else. I need you so bad."

I reached for his glasses and slipped them off his face, folding them carefully and putting them in my own shirt pocket. He had never looked more beautiful to me. 

I took his face in my hands, and as he opened his mouth to me, I explored it with my tongue, reveling in his familiar feel and taste. I kissed him as deeply and as thoroughly as I could. When I pulled back to look at him, he ducked his head a little and then looked up at me through his eyelashes. He was blushing. My heart swelled, feeling a rush of love and need.

He looked directly into my eyes then, squinting a little in the slanting late afternoon sun behind me. He placed his hands on either side of my neck. "You belong to me, Jack O'Neill. And no one else. Forever. Don't ever forget that, all right?" he asked me softly. 

I seemed incapable of speech. I just hugged him to me, placing one hand on the back of his head to hold him as close as I could. I enjoyed the feeling of his strong, solid body. 

Over Daniel's shoulder, I again looked around at our surroundings. The place where we were standing seemed about a light year away from our real life. I felt pleasantly locked away, like we had stepped through the gate to some alien paradise, far away from our own world. I closed my eyes and turned my face into Daniel's neck, breathing in the scent of him. I wished somehow that we could stay there forever, where none of the hounds of my life could follow me.

"Forget?" I asked him finally. I tightened my hold on him. "I think I could forget to breathe before I could forget that I belong to you. " I pulled back to look into Daniel's eyes, so blue and fierce. Daniel would fight for me if he had to. I never doubted his love for me. I only doubted myself. And he loved me anyway. 

He lifted a hand to caress my cheek. I turned my head to rub against his hand, like a housecat seeking a caress. A smile played around Daniel's lips. "Ummm. I want you, Jack." He snickered a little. "We gonna bother to get dressed or go out of this suite this weekend?" 

DANIEL

Jack laughed softly. He stepped back from me a little, grabbing onto my hands. "I don't know. Maybe not much! But I always wanted to go to the top of the Space Needle. And I'd like to go to that market place where they throw the fish around and hit the tourists with the salmon flying through the air." Both of us were laughing then. 

I looked into his warm brown eyes. "Tomorrow, Jack, I'll take you to see your fish. Jeez, I can't get away from fish for very long with you around."

He patted me on the cheek. "Yeah, but you won't have to bait a hook for these fish. Someone will have already done all the work."

We looked at each other. "And now? What do you want to do now?" I asked him. I found myself wrapped in Jack's arms again. His lips were on my neck, trailing warm kisses up onto my ear, and then he was nuzzling my hair. 

"God, Danny, the possibilities are endless. Wanna make love to you, all weekend long. Want you to make love to me. Wanna make this a real celebration. A whole year we've been together!"

I pulled back to look into his eyes again. "Not until tomorrow night," I told him. I paused to bring my arm up and look at my watch. "About 10:15 or so, as I remember..." We were both laughing again. We both remembered that night, the eleventh of July the year before, very well.

"Okay," Jack told me, "So it's only 364 days we've been together." We smiled at each other. "Let's order up some dinner, get some champagne. You can feed me strawberries."

"Umm. Sounds good." I sidled up a little closer to him. "And then? After dinner?" I asked him. 

He grabbed my left hand with his and brought our hands up between us. The wings of the eagles on our wings sparkled in the afternoon sunlight.

"And then," he murmured, "We can fly. Together."

~finis~


End file.
